


Mikey Speaks: Cookies

by Iamacarrot



Series: Mikey Speaks [1]
Category: Rise of the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (Cartoon 2018)
Genre: Excessive Cursing, How have I just now realized that?, Humor, Inspired by Sr. Pelo, Mikey can be an asshole, NO MAH ICE CREAM! NAOAOAOAOA!, This is pure idiocy, oof
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-07
Updated: 2019-03-07
Packaged: 2019-11-13 05:56:07
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,223
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18026012
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Iamacarrot/pseuds/Iamacarrot
Summary: Our orange-clad terrapin friend talks to his brothers and April about a very important topic.





	Mikey Speaks: Cookies

**Author's Note:**

> Sorry for lack of activity, guys. School and stuff is a butt. I'll work whenever possible, though!

"Okay, so, down on Fifth and Main, there's a place called "Cookie Karma," and I decided to go there, because I was out, and I wanted a cookie. So, I go there, and I asked for a Sunset Shrink. Normally, this is something that can be, gotten in the normal cookie place. When I got in there, I saw them handling the cookies that I wanted, and I ask for one. After that, a woman comes in, and she was super fuckin'  _UGLY!_ Now, I mean, I'm not saying that I'm super drop-dead fucking gorgeous, but this girl was damn ugly! But, she had a nice outfit, to hide the  _GODDAAAAAAAMN UUUUUUUGLY!_ So, I watched as the employee put the cookies down, and, and then the woman, who must have been the manager or something, told him not to put them down. I looked at her, and I was like  _"Hey! Hey, I heard that! Why aren't you putting the cookies down?!"_   and she just looked at me and smiled! Can you believe it?! That damn ugly asshole refuse me service! I won't stand for this! No more cookie refuses! No more!"

April listened with shock as her youngest friend ranted about not receiving the cookie he wanted. Very seldom did any of the turtles curse, but when they did, there was normally good reason. Mikey's current reason, however, didn't seem to be very good.

"Mikey, don't you think this is kind of petty?" April inquired.

"NO! The goddamn ugly is a fuckin' asshole! She wouldn't give me the Sunset cookie Shrink! She's an asshole! A fuckin' asshole! I pay good money for the stuff I buy, and I refuse to be treated with bad service!" Mikey replied, slamming his fists on April's kitchen table. "I'm gonna go up to her and say to her, that's why she's ugly! She won't give me a cookie I wanted, and that's why she's a goddamn ugly! A GODDAMN FUCKING UGLY! GODDAMN IT!"

April rolled her eyes, facepalming after doing so. The poor human was more than likely going to have to find a way to calm Mikey down before he got home. Otherwise, his brothers would kill them both. Which was kind of stupid. Why would the others get offended because Mikey just so happened to be upset after talking to April?

"Mikey, calm down. I'm sure that there are other places you can get a cookie like that. It could be a rule of theirs." April assured.

"NO! What rule?! They've never done something like that before!" Mikey whined, slamming his hands down once more.

"Things change, bud." April replied, placing a hand on Mikey's shell.

The young terrapin huffed, sniffling as tears started to form in his eyes. April sighed in response, jumping slightly when her phone started buzzing. In a flash, April looked to her phone, seeing that she was receiving a call from Raph. Mikey huffed, snatching April's phone, and answering the call.

"Hey, April, is Mikey there?" Raph asked, the way his voice was carrying signaling that he had April on speaker phone.

"Yeah! I'm right here! And I'm upset!" Mikey replied angrily.

"Why?" Leo asked.

"Because of a damn fucking asshole! The fucking ugly didn't give me the cookie I wanted, and I asked why she was telling the employee to not put down the cookies in the stand, and she didn't say anything! She just smiled! The damn fucking ugly  _SMILED!"_   Mikey shouted, repeatedly slapping April's table as he talked.

"Hey! Why are you complaining about a damn cookie?! Shut the fuck up! Stop it with the cookie!" Donnie then shouted, earning a simultaneous facepalm from the others.

"NO! IT WAS MY BAD SERVICE! AND I'M GONNA GET THE FUCKING UGLY! THE GODDAMN FUCKING UGLY!" Mikey screamed, jumping up and down.

"STOP FUCKING COMPLAINING ABOUT THE FUCKING COOKIE! I'M GONNA SLAP YOU FUCKING HIGH IF YOU DON'T STOP IT!"

"NAO! STOP WITH THE FUCKERY! I'M GONNA FUCKING GET THE GODDAMN UGLY!"

"DONNIE! You're not helping the situation!" April groaned loudly.

"I'LL HELP THE DAMN SITUATION HOW I WANT! I'M GOING DOWN THERE AND TALKING TO HER!" Donnie screamed.

"TALK TO THE GODDAMN UGLY!" Mikey yelled.

The next few seconds consisted of nothing more than screamed curses between Donatello and Michelangelo, and it very quickly turned into unintelligible nonsense between the two. For the sake of the situation, April hung up the phone, glancing to Mikey, who was still fuming and cursing for no apparent reason. With no words, April gripped Mikey's wrist, dragging Mikey out of the apartment complex, and to the lair, where Raph and Leo were trying to calm Donnie down.

"HEY! YOU TOLD ME YOU WERE GONNA HANDLE THE DAMN UGLY!"

"I WILL! SHUT THE FUCK UP ABOUT IT! I'LL SHOVE MY FIST DOWN YOUR THROAT IF YOU DON'T!"

"DON'T THREATEN ME! GET THE DAMN UGLY! SHE WON'T GIVE ME THE SUNSET!"

From that, stemmed more curses, and more nonsense. Raph retreated to the kitchen, grabbing two pots, and returning to the group. Leo looked to Raph, and hummed, knowing what was about to happen. Without warning, Raph slammed the pots together, and the shouting ceased.

"Now, I'm going to give Mikey eight minutes to tell me what happened, and I expect everyone else to act like civilized adults while he does so." Raph growled.

The others nodded, and Mikey explained what was happening. Once he did so, Raph announced that he, Donnie, and Leo would go with Mikey to the store, so as to speak with the manager. Mikey screamed a cheer of delight in response.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Okay, I want four Sunset Shrinks." Mikey announced, bouncing on his heels excitedly at the sight of the cookies being retrieved.

"So far, so good." Leo muttered.

"Hey! What're you doing, serving those cookies?!" a voice then shouted.

"Way to ruin it." Donnie scoffed.

"NO! IT'S YOU! THE GODDAMN UGLY! I'M GONNA TELL YOU WHAT FOR, YOU FUCKIN'-"

"Shut up! Let me talk!"

"Yes Raphie."

"Look, I don't know why you insist on refusing to sell these cookies, but could you not spare even  _one?_ Our baby brother loves these things." Raph sighed.

"Oh, sorry, we can't. Those cookies are not for sale. They don't suit for eating. Just for display." the manager hummed.

"Then why put them with the other edible cookies?" Leo asked.

"Because that's how we do things." the manager replied, grinding her teeth.

"That doesn't make sense, though." Raph remarked.

"Listen,  _children_ _;_ I don't know  _why_ you think that you can come here, to _my store_ , and tell me how to run things, but I can assure you that you have no say in what happens here." the manager seethed.

"LISTEN HERE YOU FUCKING ASSHOLE! I HAVE HALF A MIND TO-"

Donnie was cut off by Raph's hand, which very nearly smothered the Softshell as the brothers reluctantly left the building. On the way back, Mikey crossed his arms, beginning to become angrier by the second.

"YOU SEE WHAT I WAS TALKING ABOUT?! SHE'S AN ASSHOLE!" Mikey screamed.

"YEAH! A FUCKING ASSHOLE!" Donnie agreed.

Once more, unintelligible nonsense came from the two. Raph and Leo rolled their eyes, looking to each other before shrugging. There was only one more thing to do now. Besides, if you can't beat 'em, join 'em.

"THEFUCKINGASSHOLEUGLYFUCKINGASSHOLEGAVEUSNOCOOKIESTHATFUCKINGASSHOLEGODDAMNUGLYFUCKINGASSHOLE! AOBOABFLIUBLAIURFBLAIUBRFQOUVBQFLIB!"

 

FIN~

**Author's Note:**

> Mikey being half insensitive asshole when he goes into "Dr. Delicate Touch" mode is genius btw.


End file.
